1.9.07

daybreak

how do i say this without comin off all mean and shit

here goes . . .

being with me, in *any* kind of relationship, is a lot of fucking work. it is harder to be my lover than it is to be my mother.

fuck in ay

and i fuckin like that about me

shit

there are boundaries that if crossed, take a fuckin lifetime to cross back over again

if ever

i have no idea how long it'll take
so few of my boundaries ever get crossed, it's just hard to say

but

here's what i know about me

i know that i am hard as fuck to get to know
but i have relatively few simple rules
don't lie
don't steal
don't fuck with my kid, my lover, or my mother
or anybody i call anything other than 'hey you'
that's it

oh, and don't cross a boundary that i've told you to not cross
and if you do
don't expect to be able to cross back over just cuz you're sorry or you forgot or whatever
cuz you're gonna be sorry for a long fuckin time
that's just the reality

i'll be mad for awhile
but i'll be hurt for even longer
cuz i toldya the boundary
and i politely asked ya to not cross it

and if you forget
and you light the match
you're gonna get burned
no matter what your intentions were

i'm not sayin that to be mean
i'm just sayin that that's how i am
and i like me this way
it ain't an anger issue
it's a boundary issue

yea, it's kinda like a mine trip wire
i'll tell ya it's there
but if you forget, and you trip the damned thing
no matter how accidentally it was . . .

baby go boom
sometimes big boom
sometimes little boom
but baby go boom

yea, your intentions will make a difference
you'll just get fucked up
instead of just fucked
but you will get fucked
cuz if your accidental nature fucks me up, i cain't help it if you get fucked up same as me
i'll try to mitigate it as best as i can
but if i tell you that you done fucked up, and you cain't say sorry without explainin your intentions and shit . . .
well, it's kinda like pickin at a scab -- shit's gonna hurt til you learn to not pick at it and just give it what it needs to heal right

and that makes any relationship with me a lot of fuckin work

it seems like to some people that bein my friend -- my best friend, as it were -- is an easy thang
but just ask my best friend
she'll tellya, that shit ain't easy
easier'n bein my lover or my mother
maybe
but not really

i ain't mean
or even sociopathic
i'm just a lot of fuckin work
but if you want me to call you anything other than 'hey you'
you should know up front
it's gonna be a lot of work
i'm a lot of work
but only cuz
i'm fuckin worth it

i guess maybe i've always known this
but i've never felt like i deserved to really *own* this

welcome to me
it ain't easy
but at least it's never boring

2 comments:

Frogspond said...

Ownership is a good thing. Learned that lately. Looks like I'm not the only one. Good thing cause I thought I was goin nuts.

and

No, Ain't easy sometimes. Neither am I, or, anyone else worth know'n.

BUT

Damn! It is so worth it and anyone who says otherwise, well, the'r the dumb fucks and who gives a shit about stupid people.

Ruach X said...

well thankee there, froggie. that's why YER my bayust frayund.

buy the buy . . . whaddya mean ya thot u wuz GOIN nuts???? hell, ya make it sound like we aint already been livin there fer a spell.

'member, in order ta lose it, ya gotta have first had it. like my mind, for instance

no whadda mean?

ps
great buttdancin witcha. we gotta do it agin!!!

ps2
test me!