Yeah, I'm pretty cute. Everybody says so and you can only hear a thing so many times before you start believin it. And who'd lie to a dog, right? Right.
Ok, so check out the shine on my coat there. Glistening in the sunlight, yeah? Well, it might be pretty and I might be cute, but getting me to look like this did not make for a very cute morning. It all started so innocently . . .
Mommy got up, a little earlier than usual, but that wasn't a big deal. She sleeps like I sleep - whenever, wherever, til she's gotta go wee. So as she trekked her way to the echosystem, I got up and stretched . . . so tempted to try to get out of my harness again, but I'm still smartin from yesterday's Houdini display. You'd think she'd be proud of a puppy who can get out of any kind of binding, but nooooooooo. She rips me a new one every friggin time! I'm all like, "Look, Ma! No hands!" But then I don't sit right for the rest of the day. And those looks . . . Shit! 'S'enough to make you feel two legs short and three feet shorter. If you've ever gotten a Mommy Mad Look, you know for sure that you never want to get another one as long as you live!
So imagine my surprise when Mommy calls me over and takes off my harness herself this morning! I shoulda known somethin was up. Too late, she was leadin me by the collar . . . that's when it hit me! B-A-T-H time! Ooooh I tried to resist, but that damned tiled floor! Never can get a grip! But it does make my butt and pawnails slide a lot, so that was a plus. 'Til Mommy did the unthinkable. To hear her tell it, sixty pounds is a LOT when it plops up against a human tryin to share my bed. Well, okay, it's her bed, but only cuz I let her get in first. Anyhoot, so when I plop on, she acts like she's tryin to move the weight of the world. Apparently sixty pounds isn't really that heavy when it's B-A-T-H time, cuz she scooped me up and had me in the tub before I could even yelp right. 'Course by then, I didn't even want to yelp anymore. What was the point? It was all downhill from there anyway.
The waterspewerthingie was already spewin, and I've gotta admit - that water was warm and tasty! No additives, no preservatives, just straight from the spewer. Yum. Next thing I know, I'm all wet. Head to tail, just friggin soaked! Even my nose got wet. And I was shakin' and pantin like a bitch in heat!! Scared off my arse, I was! And then came the bubblystuff. It was cold at first! Made the hair on my tail stand up! Then Mommy rubbed in and the bubbles came. Now normally I like bubbles, but these smelled funny and tasted like yuck when one landed on my tongue. ILCH! The only nice part was that Mommy sat on the side of the tub with her feet inside where I was. I know it was just to help keep me in place, but it sure was comforting and I loved it that she got as spewed as I did! Heh heh . . . I think my shakin helped with that, but don't tell her that.
Second round of bubblestuff'n'spewrinse wasn't so bad. By then, I was pretty used to it. I was SO friggin glad when it was over, though! I got dried with a clean towel and Mommy laid out my blankie on the floor so I could dry off my belly and soothe my wounded pride. She said I did really good, though. Yay!
All in all, it wasn't so bad. We went outside and I've gotta admit, the wind sure felt nice next to my clean skin and coat. And I'm all shiny now too! Wait til my uncles and boyfriends see me! They'll love all over me even more than normal! I hate B-A-T-Hs, but I can always stand more lovins from the two-leggeds!