20.11.07

And then I woke up . . .

My Braxtin,

I miss you, Baby . . . like the sand misses the rain, I've missed you this morning, over and over again.

I just wanted to tell you . . . that . . .
I miss your eyes
I miss your smile
I miss the way you move
I miss your voice coming from just in the next room
I miss your whisper, so close to my ear
I miss your arm around me, in the night and in the morn
I miss holding you close to me and feeling you hold me close to you
I miss watching you walk
I miss your hat on backward
I miss sitting directly across from you, deep in conversation
I miss seeing your whole face light up, when you smile and when you laugh
I miss seeing the depth of emotion in your eyes, when you speak or hear of sad things
I miss feeling the heat of the fire, when you become enflamed with rage . . . and desire
I miss touching your face, anytime and everywhere
I miss the way you smile at me, in those moments when only I can see
I miss feeling you watching me . . . and hearing the change in your breathing when you realize that I'm only acting as if I don't know
I miss feeling you watching me . . . and hearing the change in your breathing when you know that I know just what you're feeling as I watch you, watching me

But mostly . . .

I miss being able to see your love for me reflected in your eyes when you're looking deep into my soul, and you're saying, "I love you. I fuckin LOVE YOU."

You are my world, My Sweet Lover . . . you are the delight in my heart, the churning my soul, and the light in my eyes. I miss everylittlething about you . . . and I can't wait until I can feel you next to me once again.

Your Angel

19.11.07

I am troubled
Immeasurably
By your eyes
I am struck
By the feather
of your soft
Reply
The sound of glass
Speaks quick
Disdain
And conceals
What your eyes fight
To explain

~jim morrison
beloved,
this is what it is
to be beloved

when words prove inadequate
held against
a touch of your lips
the softness in your eyes
the sweetness of your belly
breathing in time
with me

lovedbe,
this is what it is
to be lovedbe

when the drum of your heart racing
drowns out all but the music
that captures in my heart
the way you look at me
as if i am fine art

you touch me as if i were beautiful glass
that you are afraid you might shatter
if you
touch me too much

you arouse in me things that i
had long since forgotten
or never knew could
exist
out here in reality

you
maketh me to lie down
in green pastures
no
that is God
showing up once again
within a beloved
lovedbe

i have loved
but i can not be
anything but loved
when i feel you watchin me

i have loved
but i can not be
anything but loved
when i feel you wantin me

i have loved
but i can not be
anything but loved
when your smile caresses me

i have loved
but i can not be
anything but loved
when you reach out wantin me

i have loved
but i can not be
anything but loved
when i am your
lovedbe

12.11.07

11.11.07

Fannin the flames, I become lightheaded from the heat I've helped
create. Fire tender, I love the sound of the rain & the wind in the
trees . . . Selah
Sittin here, watchin these flames, I think of the fire that exists within each of us, and the fire that we together create. Why is it
that you cannot see my fire? Are there other things of me that i can see,
but that you cannot? Believing is seeing . . . As with God, one must
believe first. Sight does not precede faith. Sight follows faith.

7.11.07

2.11.07

Love Song

before i read your words to me
there is somethin i must say
about this feelin churnin
that i can't ignore away

baby, you are my heart and
you're in my soul, my life is you
more love i've felt in our
short time, to me that just proves

that this is love, this is real
no hesitation and no doubt
but sometime i gaze and wonder
will you love all that i'm about

we've talked about our religions
our spirits and our beliefs
and we've spoken briefly of our pasts
our joys, our pains and grief

and you've walked with me through a night
when i felt my heart breakin from within
stayed with me til i could fall asleep
and shared the sunrises over and again

and i'm not complicated but i can't help
thinkin to my self
are we strong enough to stand together through
all 23 levels of hell

you've never fallen asleep when i
couldn't close my eyes
or watched me try to not crumble
when a beloved heart has died
and i've never awakened next to you
and made your coffee in the morn
we've never watched together
the moment a new life is born
so many stories there are, in between
the heaven and hell in my mind
i have had times of cruel intent
had them, long before i was kind
and i've told my share of lies and half-truths
and can never forget how many there were
the dark and the light within are unequal
will your tender loving heart, My Love
will it be able to endure

i've had the hard breakdowns and i have been thin-skinned
the longer and deeper i love someone, the harder life has been
i've felt alienated and i've pushed my loved ones away
i've held back my tears and my fears, and then begged them all to stay
my fear makes me shallow and i edit less of what i say
i rarely mean to hurt anyone, but when i do the pain don't go away
i talk a good game and i
believe in every word
but when it comes to the livin
it's like i've never even heard
i pray and i curse and i mean it when i damn
i never want to try perfection, but i'll do the best i can
and i have high expectations, of honor and loyal respect
and i behave like a son-of-a-bitch
when i feel a longterm neglect
and i get angry sometimes
enough to curse both day and night
and the God who married my parents
and gave me this Third-Eye Sight


i read and hear your words of love
and they fill me til i brim
and overflow with love and sorrow
for the depths you're steppin in

i could write my stories down for you
and stay up through many days and nights
but they are nothing and everything
to do with where i find my light

and you've walked with me through a night
when i felt my heart breakin from within
stayed with me til i could fall asleep
and shared the sunrises over and again

and i'm not complicated but i can't help
thinkin to my self
are we strong enough to stand together through
all 23 levels of hell

you've never fallen asleep when i
couldn't close my eyes
or watched me try to not crumble
when a beloved heart has died
and i've never awakened next to you
and made your coffee in the morn
we've never watched together
the moment a new life is born
so many stories there are, in between
the heaven and hell in my mind
i have had times of cruel intent
had them, long before i was kind
and i've told my share of lies and half-truths
and can never forget how many there were
the dark and the light within are unequal
will your tender loving heart, My Love
will it be able to endure