i never knew . . .

i never knew that standing on an endless shore watching seas full of multi-hued chocolate children playing freely and surrounded only by love would affect me the way it has. golden and copper children who are so full of joy . . . well, but not always. the ones i spent this past week with were full of joy most of the time. in their families, going to school was a priviledge because your younger brother might be the little one whose mother bathes him outdoors, just beneath your schoolroom or your wish list might include toys, books, and . . . medicine -- even though you do not appear to be ill, or food. i'd thought, in my often broken spanish, that cosina meant clothes. it does not. it means cuisine or more simply, food. i wish there were words for the kick that i felt when i realized that the children used the unlit, unventilated toilet-with-no-plumbing bathroom downstairs -- the one where the door didn't close all the way (but what six-year-old wants to be in a completely dark bathroom anyway, right?). teachers use the ones upstairs (there are two) with at least a toilet that flushes and a partly-effective window for light and slight cross-breeze. i loved those babies, but i still used the one upstairs. i'm hoping that's offset by the fact that i didn't bitch or balk about using theirs when i first got there.

the kids, though, are superamazing! i'm in absolute love with every single one of them.

who wouldn't be? these were the sweet faces that greeted us every morning. i can't wait to go back.

standing there on the beach, i truly felt as if i were in the presence of God. i saw God's face. i saw this endless shore filled with golden and copper children unencumbered by fear running to and fro through water so clear i could see the white sands beneath my feet. i waded through waters that barely grazed my shoulder as far out as I could walk. i walked almost to the reef that day. my friend and i were both tenderfoots, but i was the far worse of us both. next time, though . . . next time.

we met some incredible people too. my yeis, my favorite y mi amigo por vida. those last couple of days were incredible with him. we got to be so awesomely open about our mutual admiration society. i laugh my ass off when i think of some of the thoughts and wonderings of some of my compatriots, and his, and of his absolute enjoyment of those last goodbye moments. he laughed and laughed until i thought he'd turn blue! i laugh when i think about all that odd energy that would suddenly permeate the room when we were noticed huddled somewhere laughing our asses off together. ohmygosh . . . he did the same thing i did -- he started explaining the reasons to his friends the same way i did to mine. oh . . . my . . . gosh! oh i hope i hope i hope he works with us in february. even if he doesn't, though, i'm gonna see him when i'm there. i've gotta see his new baby . . . the way he giggles, he's gonna make a great papi. oh i shouldn't say that too loud . . . the others might hear. oh, and he's so cute . . .

i never knew that there could be a bioguy who could still put a hoohah in my yingyang after the last one. the last one was awesome and i never thought any other bioguy could compare. they all just kinda made me giggle after him. but not yeis. uh! drop-dead gorgeous with a smile that made you absolutely just have to smile right back. looked good in a pair of trunks, too -- just enough pudge to be soft, but strong as an oxe in heat. yup, if i was gonna, it woulda been with him. no shittin. i dunno what he thought about me, but when i crinkled my finger at the empty seat next to me in the van on the way from the airport to the hotel, he sat right next to me and watched out for me from then on. boy, that was nice to do again! lol

my time in dominica allowed me to fully explore the fluidity of my sexuality, without actually having to have sex. that makes me laugh my ass off because it wasn't that long ago that examining my sexual fluidity had an entirely different meaning to me, in my world. it was fun. i went to a bar that became filled to overflowing with some of the world's most beautiful women. i wasn't really attracted to many of them -- although it was shorts night, so i did stand at attention quite a bit. of the guys, it was only yeis, which was probably a really good thing. though i dunno . . . the rest of our guides were cute in their own ways, but he was different. he's such a good guy, too, married and faithful, with a kid on the way. that's what made it fun with him -- we're both avid flirts but enjoy like hell being faithful. that's nice to do, too. lol whodathunk?

i never knew that being mistaken for taimo would be so powerful an experience for me. where my darkness is exotica but not foreign, except to stupid foreigners who deserved to be parted from their big fat wallets anway. lol a place where saying the name atawallpa opened doors so delightful that words can't contain what lies therein. powerful trip was dominca and i can't wait to reach her shores again.

solo Dios puedes un mundo gusto Dominica cos El Tamarindo, El Punto, y Santo Domingo en uno region.

my spanish is improving.